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July 3, 2008 - Siem Reap, Cambodia 7:00pm
Today was promised to be a “cultural day”, as we were to spend the day visiting some of the many
temple ruins here in Siem Reap. We did, indeed, visit the awe-inspiring temples, built in the 1200's and in various states of ruin now, but the culture that I experienced was found outside the temple walls. When entering or leaving Angkor Wat (an immense temple that is one of the 7 wonders of the world) or the other temple sites, we were literally mobbed by children who were begging or selling various wares. I happened to finish my sight-seeing walk of the temples about 30 minutes prior to my peers, and so was left to fend for myself outside the exit. At first, I tried to politely decline, saying “no thank you” and “I'm sorry” dozens of times before I concluded that they were not going to be so easily turned away. Once I made eye-contact with a child, I was considered fair game, and was relentlessly pursued with droning and repetitive cries of “one dollar”, “please”, “help me”. Surrounded by 10-15 desperate and exploited children, my only defense was to ignore them. And it killed me. They are human beings, little children, and I had to pretend they didn't even exist. And I got angry. At them for leaving me with no choice but to act as if they wer
en't there. At myself for not speaking their language in order to explain to them that...what? That my dollar wouldn't solve their problems? That it is a larger economic and social system that needs to change before they are to be fed? That if I were to give them my money, it would only reinforce the industry that is exploiting them and robbing them of their childhood? In the end, even if I could speak Khmer enough to begin to say all this, they wouldn't stick around long enough to hear it. Because they have to make money to give to their bosses or they won't get fed. Or they will get punished. Or they will be sold into an even worse fate. But I'm still angry that these children are put in the position of being treated like they aren't even humans. And that I'm one of the ones treating them that way. And that I don't see how to begin to fix it.
temple ruins here in Siem Reap. We did, indeed, visit the awe-inspiring temples, built in the 1200's and in various states of ruin now, but the culture that I experienced was found outside the temple walls. When entering or leaving Angkor Wat (an immense temple that is one of the 7 wonders of the world) or the other temple sites, we were literally mobbed by children who were begging or selling various wares. I happened to finish my sight-seeing walk of the temples about 30 minutes prior to my peers, and so was left to fend for myself outside the exit. At first, I tried to politely decline, saying “no thank you” and “I'm sorry” dozens of times before I concluded that they were not going to be so easily turned away. Once I made eye-contact with a child, I was considered fair game, and was relentlessly pursued with droning and repetitive cries of “one dollar”, “please”, “help me”. Surrounded by 10-15 desperate and exploited children, my only defense was to ignore them. And it killed me. They are human beings, little children, and I had to pretend they didn't even exist. And I got angry. At them for leaving me with no choice but to act as if they wer
en't there. At myself for not speaking their language in order to explain to them that...what? That my dollar wouldn't solve their problems? That it is a larger economic and social system that needs to change before they are to be fed? That if I were to give them my money, it would only reinforce the industry that is exploiting them and robbing them of their childhood? In the end, even if I could speak Khmer enough to begin to say all this, they wouldn't stick around long enough to hear it. Because they have to make money to give to their bosses or they won't get fed. Or they will get punished. Or they will be sold into an even worse fate. But I'm still angry that these children are put in the position of being treated like they aren't even humans. And that I'm one of the ones treating them that way. And that I don't see how to begin to fix it. 
4 comments:
I am absolutely in awe of your experience. I know its hard to look at the children and not give them money, but you know what type of behavior that exposes them too, and as heartbreaking it is, you are not supporting the system there and THAT is what is important. One day, very soon, your work is going to be used to help these children, and that is more worth it than giving them the dollar they ask for.
wow. this is amazing and heartbreaking and encouraging to read, all at the same time. you've found your heart, but in finding it, you've also realized the ins and outs of its human side as well. it's beautiful to read your stories thus far. keep them coming.
hi angel! i just got up to date on your blogs.. i am stunned! at first, i thought they were poetic and interesting little blurbs, but by the end, I felt a bit different. I didnt get to talk to u a ton about this before you left. In fact, I only knew you were interested in this topic and heard something of Cambodia.. and thats about it. I hope everything goes well for you out there. I'm gonna keep reading what you're up to, and try to stay positive amongst all the negativity happening. Be Safe.
touching experience. We're glad to have you back
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